I’m writing this because today, I saw you cry – and it broke my heart.
Talk about seeing something waaay different and out of character from you, after all these years we’ve been together. I always thought that you were incapable of a good cry – or, at least, shed a few tears in private.
So when you asked me today if your bawling and sneezing took away from your manliness, I disagreed with my whole heart – because as cliché as it sounds, it showed me another side of you.
It showed me the side of you that was the child who never grew up. He never grew up because he was made to grow up too fast by people around him who didn’t care about his innocence for the sake of their pleasure. Today, that child was released, because faced with the fear of losing his mother, his soft little heart couldn’t take the pain and fear away. And so he did the only thing he knew – he cried. And choking in between sobs, he realized just how much he loved his mom.
So again, I tell you – it’s not what you did in the past, whether to her or to other people. It’s not how unfairly you’ve treated her after all the love she has given. It’s the simple fact that you love her and you know it – and that you’d do anything to still have her by your side tomorrow. In the process, I hope you learn more about yourself and grow up a little more in the process, because you still have so much more growing up left.
Did you know? While I guided you through this whole process of pain and learning from it, I learned a lot myself too. I learned to thank God once again for my parents, because as painful as it was for them to say aloud, they still verbally asked me to prepare for the painful future. Because when you asked me why bad things like this happen to the best of people, it was God and my father’s words that immediately came to me – because things like that happen. For a reason. Because God allowed them to.
You may not understand this fully now, but I hope you get to understand the comfort and relief that comes when you accept that every happening has gone through God. He has allowed all of those, good and bad, to happen. Nothing escapes His scrutiny. So if anything undesirable happens to you, it’s okay to fret. It’s okay to cry. But don’t worry too long, because it just means that He has something in store for you. Also, He wants you to learn something.
When I saw your face brighten at the idea of this, I saw your heart for learning. Although it can get lazy, you still have the heart to learn. I hope that in the future, you’ll never get tired of learning to turn your life around instead of “accepting” the fact that you are “forever” doomed to be the bad guy. Because you’re not.
There’s still so much that I want to say, even if I’ve said it already. You don’t know how heartbreaking it is to see you broken like this. However, one thing comforts me – above all, God loves you infinitely more than I do. He’ll never leave you, nor forsake you. How sad I am that you don’t know this now, and that I won’t be able to explain it clearly to you immediately. I sincerely hope, however, that you get to know Him and His love one day, because it will complete you. Change you more than you can change yourself. Bring you love that no other person on this earth can.
He loves you more than I do.