Lately I’ve been taking too much into my own hands, and not putting God in my priority list and doing the best of His will. So as any good father would do, He slapped me into consciousness with something that truly woke me up into the situation that I was in. So as any good child should be doing, I listened. God used the Bible and my dad to teach me that what I was doing was wrong, and that I needed to humble myself and correct that.
Still, I was hesitant. I didn’t want to come off a sissy and apologize for something that I considered wasn’t my fault, for something that I felt that person deserved anyway. I was thinking that while I humble myself, that person could go on and gloat about how he turns out to be always right. But my Father (and earthly father, too) said: it’s not what he thinks about you that’s important. It’s not how your reputation turns out that’s important. What’s most important is how you are in My eyes. And by humbling yourself and doing the right thing, you’re a winner in My book.
And so I did it. I still don’t know what the outcome will be, or if there will be any outcome. My heart definitely took a deep breath and relaxed after I did what God wanted me to do, but it was still hard. Being disciplined hurt, and worse, the whole situation made me realize just how far away I’ve drifted from my Father. The One who gives me everything I have now and continues to give.
So we talked. We had a really nice, long talk. In a place far away from home as China is, there were those familiar warm hands that taught me, disciplined me, and comforted me. And through song, He reminded me that no matter how many times I fail, He will be there for me, and He will continue to love me unconditionally – in the way that people sooner or later always fail to do.
Can you imagine running away from a person a million times? Doing stuff that hurts Him a million times? Getting hurt and then returning to His arms a million times? And yet God is all that and more. What’s more, He loves you with a love that’s bigger, better and brighter than how He’s ever loved you before. I cried. Why would I want to do that to Someone who loves me more than anything in this world?
It makes me tear up as I write this.
Lord, I love you. I love you so much, my heart just overflows. Your love and grace is amazing, I’m touched by how I receive it even if I don’t deserve it. Thank you for disciplining me, for teaching me, for loving me all over again.